I try to make the best at happiness

So, I know I keep posting about these trips I'm supposedly taking and that the 3 people who read this blog probably think I'm just full of shit by now, but this time I SWEAR I'm actully going somewhere. Well, somewheres: Potentially to Key West with my aforementioned cousin in June AND to San Francisco to visit Old Uncle Mark. I'll probably also go down to San Diego to visit Even Older Uncle David at the famous beach house of Sullivan myth and legend...if they let me in, that is. Then, if I'm still looking for meaning/a purpose/ a life plan I'll head back to Europe....to quote M. Ward, "God it's great to be alive".

Here's a list of things we might do in Key West:
-Swim with dolphins.
-Parasailing (no really!)
-Eat really awesome Key Lime Pie
-Avoid getting a tan (that'll just be me)

And here's a list of things I'll do in Cali:
-Go back to MaMa's for the best brunch in the free world (seriously)
-Not go back to that awful Thai place (egg noodles drenched in peanut butter sauce do not a pad thai make)
-Take day trips to Monterrey and Sonoma
-Not fantasize about bumping into Adam Brody in a book shop

Been a long time coming

For years I wrote off Bright Eyes as just pouty emo schlock. I listened to Fevers and Mirrors way back in 2001 and really hated it. So that was it. Then, I heard him interviewed about his new album, Cassadaga, on All Songs Considered and was, well, impressed. I also really enjoyed the tracks that were played. A definite country/folksy vibe marked by some really excellent playing. And, best of all, no whining!

Then, while checking out the Saddle Creek website I saw that Cassadaga was on sale at Target for $7.89. I, of course, had no excuse not to get it and I haven't been disappointed. Sonically, it's really great. The instrumentation, lots of strings and woodwinds, is very beautiful. Sometimes lyrically it isn't very concise, I guess. And, from the reviews I've read that seems to be the critics' biggest complaint. Of course, this is usually followed by some snarky comment about how Conor Oberst hasn't lived up to being "The Next Dylan". But, no one's gonna be the next Dylan. That's why Dylan's, well, Dylan. Either way, he's the closest anyone of this generation has gotten so far.

Essential Tracks: Four Winds, Coat Check Dream Song, Middleman

when disappointment and regret collide

I've been feeling pretty down lately..no, scratch that. I've been feeling down since August 20th. I miss London so deeply. Yes, deeply. I don't know..for years it was my dream to go there--live there. Of course things changed along the way, as they always do. Other dreams and ambitions took over so London took a back seat, for awhile at least. Until the summer of 2005.

I remember sitting in my office at the Aetna Foundation bored out of my skull and thinking about all the great stuff Katie said about the city. I honestly believe if she had never gone to London, I wouldn't have. Her experiences reignited my desire to go and from there I set my plan in motion--because I must always have a plan...

But the whole time I was planning the trip, applying to the program, etc..I felt really scared. Almost like it wasn't actually happening. I couldn't really go to London for three months, could I? Leave everything behind? I naively thought my life back home could be paused while I was away. After all, I still wanted the same things, I just wanted to go to London too. And this, I suppose, is the crux of my problem:

I was trying to satisfy two sides of myself and in the end I failed. I went to London and of course I absolutely loved it, but then I left. I came back to Connecticut to satisfy that other side of myself, but what I came back for was no longer here...

So essentially I left my ideal city for a town and a life I never wanted. The thought that I gave up my lifelong dream for nothing is, quite frankly, a terrible feeling. No wonder I'm depressed...I don't mean this in any sort of blaming way; it is what it is. It just proves that the only person you can truly count on is yourself. I forgot that.

Just hear this and then I'll go

"You're never going to meet anyone in a bar"-I've heard this from pretty much everyone (friends, co-workers, parents) over the last few months. After last night I have concluded they are correct. At 22 I've given up on the bar scene.

That's not to say I won't go out, I just won't care about meeting drunk people. Because that's all it is really. And no, this isn't some diatribe at Hartford's bar scene. London was the same way...sometimes even scarier. I dunno. I always knew I wasn't cut out for this.

How come cute guys never hang out in art museums like I want them to? I did that ALL the time in London, but then I realized guys only go there unless their girlfriends make them. Funny.

Katie told me I should hang out at Starbucks. She met a guy there once...maybe she's right. Or maybe I should just move. Far, far away, like that psychic said...